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Leeding The Way Down
The Status Quo classic 'Down Down, Deeper and Down', will be bellowing from the speakers (or the fans) at Pride Park this weekend as Leeds drop from the Championship to League 1. They can however survive if Derby fall asleep in the dressing- room at half time and allow them to slap 9 goals into an empty net while praying that Hull lose at home to Plymouth. There's a better chance of Wayne Rooney winning the Pulitzer prize. Next year Leeds will be off on glamorous trips to Doncaster and Huddersfield. It's not all bad, they can take in the seaside when they visit Bournemouth and Brighton.

The thought of Leeds demise from the Champions League to the third tier of English football in 6 years fills most football fans with joy. Be honest now... you laughed when that fat kid cried when they dropped out of the Premiership didn't you? But why do people hate Leeds so much? We should in fact pity them. They have fallen so far, so soon, they have become the laughing stock of football. The Lurpak stand is now sponsored by a skip company which compliments the garbage that's been played there in recent years. They endured the threat of bankruptcy and the Risdale kafuffle. Now they have Ken Bates at the helm and have just called in the administrators. Poor bastards! So next time you see the them playing on the telly and feel the need to shout 'dirty Leeds' put yourself in that white shirt and imagine all that mismanagement and those relegations at your club and mutter 'Poor old Leeds' instead.

by Jimmy Cops, NewYorkBrits

JimmyCops1 It seems that footballers are penning their autobiographies very early these days. Take Wayne Rooney for instance. My unfortunate friend Mr Hirshey kindly bestowed the ginger one's large print profile upon me recently. I refer to him as unfortunate as carrying the burden of being an Arsenal fan is a heavy load to bare. Still... we is what we is!

Ahh the book...it's to the autobiography world what Walter Reed is to healthcare! Wayne has cleverly titled his offering "My story so far". I say cleverly, as surely he's poking a little fun for being so young, and outside of his few football achievements not really having done a lot. Will I open the cover to find join the dot drawings? Alas no. Wayne really has filled over 200 pages with nothing. Oh, Wayne. Truth is, we all know what Rooney has achieved on the pitch (every twist, turn, goal and card), but off it you could fit anything of interest onto the back of a postage stamp.

Most of the pages in this fluff attempt to turn mundane events into amusing anecdotes but fail miserably. Not to mention that it reads as if it had been written by a five year old. It deserves a yellow card at least!

Gazza on the other hand filled 400 pages with funny, dramatic, heart-wrenching stories of a turbulent career that never fulfilled its promise. The only trouble Wayne has endured at his young age, outside of the well-publicized injuries and that red card, is that he managed to piss off David Moyes by not inviting him to his birthday party.

If you want to learn how to speed read then this is the book for you! There was an entire paragraph dedicated to the purchase of a pair of shoes and a rather interesting debate between Coleen (Wayne's other half) and her mother as to whether the fancy footwear in question were affordable! You will be pleased to know that Coleen's mother relented and Coleen was allowed to purchase the highly debated toe toggery.

The only part of the book that raised a titter (in fact I laughed aloud!), was meant to be deadly serious and involved Coleen 'drowning' while on holiday. Wayne swims to the rescue but points out that the current was so strong that it had removed Coleen's bikini bottoms. The image alone reinforced my long-standing conclusion that these two are the Laurel and Hardy of the football world - the fugly, bumbling opposite to Posh and Becks.

Coleen and Wayne are as dull as it gets. Duller than dull, and God bless 'em for that! Why you cry? Well... Gazza, for all his exploits, was a disappointment to his fans for all the trouble that affected his England performances and lack of them. Wayne on the other hand is a vital part of England's future and for that reason I hope young Rooney continues to stay boring. I'm off to buy a hat... I'll let you know all about it next week.

Result: Derby Co. 2-0 Leeds Utd. Relegation for Leeds!

Moan-rinho's Howls Heard in New Jersey..!
The pendulum's swung. Man United have won the Premiership. It must be a conspiracy, as the deciding games were all won [and drawn] with penalties. Moan-rinho was right - not!

newyorkbrits.com